*Aging*

~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts

to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

~ There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I

forget the other two.

~ You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as

long as you don't have to go along.

~ Middle age is when work is a lot less fun--and fun is a lot more work.

~ You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start

confiding in you.

~ Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

~ By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go

anywhere.

~ A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his

doctor instead of by the police.

~ You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the

only thing you care to exercise.

~ The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way

through Congress.

~ You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get

it started.

~ You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,

and you didn't do anything the night before.

~ The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.

~ Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is

that you are not a hypochondriac.

~ It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

~ Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

~ When you lean over to pick something up off the floor, you ask

yourself if there is anything else you need to do while you are down

there.

~ You find yourself in the middle of the stairway, and you can't

remember if you were downstairs going up or upstairs going down